


Stories of a Suicidal, Gender Confused Furry

by Cyberrkichi



Category: Original Work
Genre: Depression, Implied/Referenced Homophobia, Might project onto other characters idk yet, Mild Hurt/Comfort, Multi, Past Child Abuse, Past Sexual Abuse, Suicidal Thoughts, Transphobia, Venting Book, furry phobia
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-01-30
Updated: 2021-02-12
Packaged: 2021-03-16 10:41:42
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 4
Words: 835
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29081070
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Cyberrkichi/pseuds/Cyberrkichi
Summary: Exactly what the title says. Read or don't, I don't care. I write these for myself.
Comments: 4
Kudos: 1





	1. Chapter 1

"I love you Makoto! Goodnight my hansome mans uwu"

Somehow, I can't bring myself to believe that. Nor can I really bring myself to trust myself to tell that amazing person on the other side of my screen the things that go through my head. Sure, they knew about my Transphobic and Homophobic father. Yes, they, as well as my other love in life, knew I was just as depressed as I was gay, which is pretty much immeasurable.

But there are some things I prefer to keep inside. I will keep them till they burst in ugly emotions of red and blue and green. Because that's what's best for my lovers and for me. Well, perhaps not for me, but I don't care about me. That was established years ago.

And as much as I try, I don't think that will ever change.

Usually, after seing that night's final mesage from Dusty or Lore, I would simply sleep to see them the next day. There isn't ever really a reason to get up other than that anymore; they're the the only bit of flavor my life has. But tonight I decided to go out back like I used to. I threw on my jacket, slid the joycons off the switch to put them in my pockets put on "How Did You Love" and walked outside.

It was cold, of course- being it's still winter and on top of that it had just rained. I wandered around in circles outside, singing to myself and the night sky. Eventually, I put on "Ruru's Scuicide Show on a Livestream" and began singing my rendition of a male version of the song in English, and afterwards to "Self Inflicted Achromatic"… But alas, while I was wiling to stay out in the cold, the switch wasn't built for two hour long song-laced walks around cold rainy backyards, and eventually died. I walked inside, and realized just how cold I was once the heat from inside hit me.

My fingers were numb and red, and I couldn't feel jack shit. After setting the switch on it's charging dock, I thought for a moment maybe about getting something to snack on. It was 1 am and I was hungry, but being the stubborn bitch it is, the voice in my head said I could do without it. For once, I didn't have a small metal crisis on "do I eat or not?!", because I wasn't all that hungry. There wasn't really anything I could snack on anyway, only full meals that required cooking.  
Instead, I walked into my room and flopped on my bed, not caring when some of the mud on my shoes transferred to being mud on my legs from shifting around. Eventually, I got up and walked back to the kitchen just to make sure I didn't want anything,then went back to my room and kicked off my shoes, falling onto the bed again and groaning from how cold I was yet how warm the air felt. It was as if I was in a ball filled with cold yet could still feel the warmth outside it.  
Crawlling up to my pillow and hugging the body pillow nearby (which was just a simple, fluffy blue one, not an anime one because somehow I ''couldn't be trusted'' with one of those), I thought to myself one thing.

Life sure is a bitch.


	2. Insomnia

Im not sure what it is. Sleeping just doesnt come to me easily, even when tired. Maybe its the things in my room- im not sure what they are. But sometimes, like tonight, the darkness is so _comforting_. Its like a protective keeper, something I know will not hurt me. Darkness is a friend, a protector, tells me I am safe for the moment. Even with the light on, I know it's there. It's outside my window, waiting to come in and swallow me up in a hug like vice.

But other times, I think it tries to remind me that it can both protect me and hurt me. I jump at the smallest sounds, and sometimes Im frozen in place because the darkness has put something in my house. A monster. Things happen when they shouldn't. I feel alone in those times. Truly, utterly alone.

Sometimes the darkness is something like a lover in a way. But it reminds me of its power when I forget.

No need for sleep tonight.

Sweet dreams are overrated.


	3. Too much. Impossible. Do it anyway.

Overtime Repairing things Buisness trips Long Hours Homework Equations Tests Graduation Quizes Requests Duties Instructions Responsibilities Billing dates Due dates Deadlines **All tomorrow** Extracurriculars Matches Breakfast Victory Meetings Locations Buisness meetings College Employment Marriage Interview Underclassman Upperclassman Teacher Boss Friends Coworkers Boyfriends Girlfriends Fatigue Anxiety **"No questions asked"**

Isn't it asking too much to do the impossible? "I don't care, **hurry up and get it done.** "  
This feels unreasonable.


	4. H O W

BRUH I JUST CUT MYSELF

ON A FUCKING

MCDONALS FRENCH FRY????

LIKE ITS BLEEDING

WHA T TH E F UC K


End file.
